Hell Of Our Own Creation
by Of Stories Told
Summary: Sometimes… the monster that we so fear… is but ourselves. The last moments and memories of Severus Tobias Snape; a man broken. Onesided SS/HP


**_A/N: _**_I'm finally beginning to feel well again and decided to write this one shot before returning back to my stories. I hope you all enjoy this bitter tale and please do leave a review if you can._

_Onwards._

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**_Disclaimer:_**_ Characters belong to J.K. Rowling_

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Much haunts me these days; yet I never let it be known. I can hear the inmates screaming in utter fear and terror as they claw at their arms and faces, desperately hoping from a respite from this hell. I hear their cries as they sleep, hoping for an end to their everlasting madness.

Yet I do not react, I do not sleep and so my cries are never heard.

I do not deserve such respite.

I sit in my cell and do not move, I feel the chill and tremble, my mind locked away from this madness.

Yet I do remember. The memories I see before my eyes will forever haunt me.

The guards barely glance my way when they do their rounds, only stopping to sneer at me in hate and disgust; I find that days can often pass before they remember to feed me.

Yet I allow it, and accept it.

I allow them to torture me; with their cruel words and magic. I allow them to tear my body apart from its very seams without mercy. They laugh as they taunt me with the past, as they shove my dark memories into the surface.

And yet I do not let them hear my screams, often then not my mouth is filled with blood by the end of these torture sessions from having bit my tongue too hard once more.

I will suffer, and I will take it all.

All for you.

* * *

I believe… it was those eyes of yours that led me down this path.

There was nothing truly exceptional about you in our first meeting. You were but a wraith, so small and fragile; not a clone of your parents as I had wrongfully assumed. In fact; were it not for your presence and name, I would not connect you to your family whatsoever. Your dark hair seemed painted in its messy perfection, and your skin was as pale as snow. You were the embodiment of the muggle fairytale, down to the blood red lips. Yet it was your eyes that drew me in. Those eyes that lit up like jewels whenever you learned something new; or when you laughed with those horrid friends of yours. They would alight with so many beautiful emotions that I knew I would never tire of watching you.

I despise them, and forced myself to despise you.

When my wrath at you came to be too much; I would often waste the night away with drink, my thoughts growing darker with every passing hour. I would wonder how you looked as you slept. Would your long eyelashes flutter softly as your dreams danced across you vision? Would your hair lay upon the pillow like a halo? As these thoughts grew I would often find myself walking to your room, wishing to enter and have all my questions answered. Then I would grow angry. How dare you affect me so! How dare a mere child fill me with such unbearable lust! It was as these thoughts entered my drunken mind that I would wonder how easy it would be to sneak into your room, to take you and hurt you, perhaps cut out those pretty little eyes that seemed to taunt me so.

Yet I loved them too much to ever do such a thing.

* * *

You would remind me of her at the oddest of moments. How you would lick your finger before turning a page, or how you would hold yourself or act at certain times. It was at those moments that I would feel guilt. Guilt for looking at her child in such a way.

* * *

You were such a foolish, innocent boy.

I thought this affliction would leave me as the years passed, yet you would not let it be so! You grew into perfection, a true ethereal beauty that simply could not be meant for this world; for none should ever have the pleasure of looking upon your gentle visage. I was a fool to believe that by mocking you I could hide my perverse desires.

Did you ever notice how my eyes would always stray to you in class? I loved feeling your small body pressed against mine as I inspected your potion. You always smelled so sweet, of spring flowers and milk. Each time I came close to you I fell ever more.

I wanted you; more then I ever wanted her.

I hated you for that as well.

I tried to fight against those disturbing urges, and regard you as just a hated and troublesome student. Yet your foolish gryffindorish endeavors would always have my heart racing in fear. I would have to watch over you it seemed; as you would not look after yourself. I would never admit that I was filled with fear.

Fear that you would disappear just as she did.

* * *

They have all asked me time and time again why I did it. They would look upon me with cold and sad eyes as they begged me for a reason.

And yet I have none.

I knew my time near you was quickly coming to an end; and as I saw your beautiful face look upon him with a small blush I knew I had lost.

As mines have done for years, his cold silver eyes would follow you; they would warm at the sight of your fey like beauty. You would enjoy his advances; welcome them even, so pure and innocent; so untouched by love. I felt envy and jealousy grow in my heart as your friends accepted the two of your.

It was laughable really.

The golden boy and slytherin prince.

How I wanted to wring that neck of his for ever believing he could have you.

Even that disgusting red haired bint learned not to look at you after I was finished with her. She should have known better then to think she deserved you; when you deserve so much more.

Don't worry; I was told she suffered much, still can't quite walk straight after they finished, can never have children either.

Sometimes I wish she had suffered more.

Yet that pounce was the embodiment of a snake, and tried to steal you from me when I was unaware.

I could not let such a travesty occur.

And so I acted.

I took you when you were all alone. Your innocent eyes looked at me with so much worry and concern that I almost stopped. But then I would imagine him having you, claiming you; and I knew I could not let it be. I led you into my private quarters; and swiftly locked the door behind us. You were so sweet and trusting, you easily followed me; believing me to be distraught and needing help.

You never saw it coming.

I can still see you eyes even now; as those bright emeralds widened in surprise. I felt such perverse satisfaction as you tried to fight me off, you flailed and begged ever so sweetly. Your small body would brush up against mine so innocently as you fought me; I could not help but groan in pleasure at the feeling of you against me.

I can still remember how sweet you tasted; finally I had bit into the forbidden fruit.

What an utter ambrosia it was.

Your body under mine felt perfect as I took you to completion numerous times, your face filled with shame and pleasure as I made you enjoy it. Your tears were bittersweet I remember, as I kissed them away, they seemed to burn upon my lips.

It was with a dark satisfaction that I took you that night, that I was the first.

And the last.

The next morning I woke up disoriented. You were not in my embrace as you had been the night before, and the only evidence I could find of you was a small trail of blood.

And then the knock came.

I had never known a knock could be so condemning.

* * *

Your body had been found on the school grounds, bloodied and bruised. It looked unnatural and wrong. Your skin much too pale, your beautiful eyes closed, never to open again or see the beauty of our world.

I went mad I was told; I tried to kill anyone that approached your beautiful corpse.

Later they told me you had killed yourself; thrown yourself off the tower where Dumbledore would meet his end mere months later.

It was all wrong; you were supposed to be mine, still lying in my bed after a night of debauch pleasure.

It was that day that the light slowly left the world.

They brought me in for questioning, and soon our night together came to be known.

They all looked upon me with pure hatred, and yet I barely stirred; too filled with disbelief at having lost you.

Soon after I was brought to my personal hell; everything fell.

The sun no longer shines upon the earth; the creatures and mystical beings have all disappeared. Gone to a land we can never follow.

I sometimes wonder if they are with you; wherever you may be.

How strange… how much depended upon your frail shoulders and life.

How everything seemed connected to your very soul.

The takeover was swift; yet not without casualties.

Now there is no laughter, no eyes shine with the light you once held.

Everyone is slowly dying.

Dying in this hell of my own creation.

* * *

There a harsh clank as my cell is opened, I barely look up.

Before me are two familiar yet very different faces.

Cold silver eyes that would once warm at the sight of you now are dead and harsh.

Next to his side is the Weasley boy, his eyes are also dull, and for a moment I wonder if perhaps my hell is better then theirs.

They both take their time with me. My bones are broken one by one, some ripped from my very skin, they heal me of course; best not to let me die too quickly.

'Suffer.' Their voices seem to hiss at me as curse after curse is thrown upon my wretched form. 'Suffer as he had suffered.'

I am soon dragged out of my cell. They drag me upon the floor by my grime filled hair as they continue to kick me before I am thrown into an empty room.

Almost empty.

I feel the cold before I see the creature, and for the first time in almost a decade I allow myself to smile.

As I look upon the face of death I merely close my eyes in acceptance.

I destroyed you Harry; destroyed your world and all that you loved.

And now it is time to pay my dues.

The cold chill comes closer, as I feel a harsh rasping breath upon my face.

There is pain.

And then I know no more.

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**_A/N:_**_ As you can tell, this story is AU for the way Snape and Harry passed on. A harsh and bitter tale of love and loss. I hope you enjoyed the tale even with its cold ending and please do leave a review if you can._

_Thank you._

_Till next time._


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